Om. I worship the incomparable Mahasaraswati, who holds in her lotus-like hands the bell, trident, plough, conch, mace, discus, bow and arrow, who is effulgent like the moon shining at the edge of a cloud, who is the support of the three worlds, and who came from the body of Gauri to destroy Shumnba and other asuras.
(In Praise of the Goddess: The Devimahatmya and Its Meaning, Devadatta Kali)
I meditate upon the Goddess Matangi, the Embodiment of the Mother (of Saraswati). Sitting upon a throne of jewels, She is listening to the sweet sounds of parrots. The color of Her body is dark. She has one foot resting upon a lotus, and She wears a half moon upon Her head. Wearing a garland of flower buds, She plays the strings of the vina. She covers Her body with a blouse and a red colored sari. In Her hand is a cup made of conch shell. From Her face comes a slight sweet scent which causes intoxication, and a brilliant spot of vermillion shines on Her forehead.
These are Goddesses I love and adore. Saraswati, Goddess of Creativity, Dance, Music, Poetry, all the Arts, Wisdom and Learning; Matangi Elephant-headed Goddess of Female Sexuality and Mystical Power. Today at the morning puja we worshiped MahaSaraswati. One Her devotees played a beautiful tin drum like instrument ( I wish I knew its name!). The notes sounded like water gently cascading over river rocks in a brook or stream. I wept from the resonance I felt in my heart. Saraswati, Goddess of Flow, of all the Waters, and Goddess of Music, Her essence merging and expressing itself in this puja through Her devotees. We chanted to Saraswati. We prayed. Some of us dance to the recitation of the Mahisuramardini-the trancey chant about Durga's battle with the shape-shifting buffalo demon. For almost two hours every morning we praise and worship Goddess. We ask for Her blessings. We say Her mantra 108 times and float in Her energy, my own consciousness merging and expanding.
This evening I had my Sanskrit class. My teacher is a tantric scholar and practitioner. He is very well-educated and funny. And he clearly knows how to dance with Saraswati. The Sanskrit alphabet is truly a science that expresses the spiritual patterns of our manifest reality. The phonemes of Sanskrit are building blocks of manifestation. The Goddess Vac, an earlier form of Saraswati, is the Goddess of the word-the word whose vibration brings the physical realm into manifest reality. The alphabet itself is a sacred act. There are even practices of mapping phonemes on the body. Language creates consciousness and the vibrational, linguistic and mystical properties of various letters and words in Sanskrit attest to language's influence on consciousness. (May I just remind us of my previous blog on the word guys...women are not guys. To call women in a group "guys" only perpetuates the patriarchal paradigm on many unseen levels...)
To continue with tonight, the first of Saraswati's three days, I attend class and receive teachings on the Sanskrit alphabet, one of Her domains. On these final three days Saraswati's gifts are that of illuminated wisdom, discernment, and clarity. It is wonderful to be able to live my life in such a congruent way with Her during these puja days. It is as if every aspect of my life reflects some of the qualities of each of these Goddesses on their particular days. I cannot see Her as separate, nor do I forget about Her after puja. She permeates my entire life and being, and I am grateful for the recognition of Her constant presence that I am experiencing.
We learn a beautiful chant to Saraswati. The tune has floated in and out of my consciousness since I first heard it sung in this rhythm four weeks ago. It is called Sardula-Vikridita, Tiger's play meter. Indeed the low notes could be the tiger's paws pressing heavily on the ground, and the lighter notes the times when the tiger is rolling and frolicking, then coming to her feet to pounce, then dive in play again. So many layers of consciousness are intentionally integrated and experienced as One through various modes of expression within this mantra. All the while the tiger plays, we clumsily try to pronounce the mantra while visualizing Saraswati and asking for Her blessing on our learning endeavors.
Hareesh, our teacher is extremely knowledgeable. He tends to go off on these fascinating esoteric tangents on tantric mysticism, linguistics, yoga, the Vedas, spiritual experiences, philosophy, mythology, ritual practices and more! All 8 of us students love it. What a wonderful way to learn the language. Although I studied it before, I never could get excited about it. We were translating texts on the warrior caste and rarely focused on pronunciation or spiritual philosophies. But now the language has come alive. The alphabet IS the Goddess. How wonderful to really see and feel this on Saraswati's day.
One of the teachings Hareesh shared tonight is a central aspect to the Tantric path. He described a path I embrace and was grateful to be reminded of. Desire.
Desire is Matangi's domain...The Tantric path teaches us to use sensual means to attain divine consciousness. In ritual worship Matangi is offered pollutants, things deemed taboo and unclean. She can transmute their energies into Shakti and so within Tantric circles these offerings hold much power. From the Tantric perspective, no desire is bad, when approached in moderation, any desire can be used as a tool to help us achieve union with the Divine. And the attainment of Divine union is the ultimate goal of every practitioner. What if we were to see every desire as a microcosmic manifestation of the divinity? What if, instead of coming from a place of lack, we realized that we are already complete and will enjoy the sensation of our own divinity through a catalyst-the desire. Awareness of our Divinity. To know that I am the One Who is aware of this 'chocolate', craving, experience. The joy of obtaining our desire is not really inside the thing itself, but comes from following joy back to its source. Who is the one experiencing the joy? I actually am the instrument of the joy, not the desire itself. Here we find the bliss of our self-awareness. As the sensation subsides once the desire has been used, the mind too has the opportunity to dissolve into pure awareness - if one can stay conscious through the practice.
Jai Matangi Maa! Jai Saraswati Maa!
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