Monday, October 22, 2007
VIJAYA DASHAMI!!!! Durga's Victory Day!
And Devi (goddess) said: Whoever with a concentrated mind shall pray to me constantly whether through recitation of my bija (seed) mantra, my sacred hymns (the Devi Mahatmya), singing my name in any of its forms, or chanting any other mantra asking for my protection, I shall, without a doubt, remove any trouble or problem from which you are suffering. Surrender yourself to me and I will lead you to the bliss of Self-knowledge.
10 days of continuous worship, unyielding reverence, unwavering devotion, and Mother Durga has liberated me from some severe mental and emotional afflictions. I am coming back to Life after 7 1/2 months of a very very very dark night of the soul, where I was pinned to the shifting floor of the underworld, where every belief, idea of who I am and what I want, when even my relationship to Her was stripped to its core and called into question. I relived every single disappointment I have ever felt during this time. I felt as if I was drowning in grief. I spent almost three months in bed with bronchitis and pneumonia, my lungs, the seat of our grief, could not function for my sadness about life and the state of the world was too deep and overwhelming. The suffering of women, children, the animal world, the Earth Herself. All the ways societal conditioning traps and limits both females and males from living authentically, freely. War and violence, conflict and pain. For over 7 months I sat as witness and victim to pain, pain, unrelenting pain. My own and others. And I almost lost my faith.
From the bowels of my ignorance and despair to the heart of self-luminescent brilliance and wisdom I have journeyed. My heavy, congested heart that was filled with uncertainty is now filled with LOVE, awe, and longing. Deep deep longing to stay in alignment with Her. To remember She is the force behind and between, within and without ALL EXISTENCE. Even when we do not feel Her, She is here. At times Her Shakti is only obscured, our consciousness cluttered, fragmented, so She can tear it all apart (OM NAMAS CHANDIKAYAY) and lead us from the unreal to the Real. All the things my ego desires, all the ways my thinking inhibits me, all the times I feel so utterly lost and alone-all of this I offered to Her flames and asked for annihilation and liberation. I chanted as if my life depended on it. Because it did. And now, ten days later, I feel Her victory in my own body. I know, again, I am Durga. I know She is every woman and man who I see. She is stronger, more awakened in some of us than in others. But She is in all of us. I know my journey will continue-through darkness and light, suffering and joy, pain and bliss. At this moment, I remember who I am and what I am here on this planet to do. To be in Service to Her. I may forget, I may become lost, I may fall into the underworld of despair from time to time. But this pilgrimage has been a true victory. The spiritual path leading me back to the illumined temple of my heart. The mantras and recitation of Her glorious name have freed me from the severe misery I had become lost in. I may cycle back to those spaces of sadness, for Her nature is both wrathful and benevolent, nurturing and fierce, but I know the journey is a continual process of becoming more aligned with Her. Each experience stretching our consciousness so we can open to experiencing more of Her ecstasy and radiant Shakti.
Mother Durga, the Remover of Difficulty and Fear, Great Goddess who rescues the distressed and afflicted who take refuge in You. Reverence to You, Reverence to You, Reverence to You.
Vijaya Dashami. Thank You for this Victory, Maa Durga. Jai Maa. Jai Jai Jai Jai Jai DURGA MAA!